Updated: Sep 13, 2020
Welcome back! This is the first post on the Accomplice Saboteurs.
Last time, we spoke about the main and omnipresent Saboteur - the Judge.
Today we will be focusing on the Controller. He presents with an anxiety-based need to take control (hence the name) of you actions or a situation. He will fill you with high anxiety and impatience when something is not possible.
The main characteristics of the Controller are:
Strong energy and need to take charge.
Connect with others through competition
Confrontational, straight talker
Pushes people outside their comfort zone
Stimulated by conflict and responds through conflict
Communication from others is seen as criticism
Its thoughts are to control you, others and the circumstances. It makes you think that you are in control or out of it and that if you work hard enough you will gain control back and the situation will go your way.
It makes you feel anxious when things don’t go your way, but at the same angry and intimidating when you want to take control of others or of a situation. The Controller is impatient with yours and others’ feelings towards something. It makes you feel hurt and rejected.
Same as all the other Saboteurs, the Controller tells you that you cannot be without him, or get anything done without his help. It also lies by telling you that if you do not control others or a situation, they will control you and that you need to push people to gain the rains.
The impact on yourself will be great on others feelings towards you and ultimately on their attitude and comfort around you.
Ultimately you need to remember that not all people or situations need to be controlled, or even can be. Underneath it all, there is a hidden fear of being controller - going into survival mode “dominate or be dominated”. But these are not the only 2 options and by doing PQ reps as described in my “How to create a positive mindset through PQ reps?” you can learn to silence the Controller’s voice.
Is the Controller one of your Saboteurs? If not, keep coming back for a future post on Accomplice Saboteurs.