Happy Sunday everyone!
We are almost all the way through our list of Saboteurs and I really do hope that these posts have provided you with some help to discover yours and learn how to cope with it.
Today we are talking about the Avoider Accomplice Saboteur.
This Saboteur focuses on the positive aspect of a situation in the attempt to avoid difficult conversations and tasks.
It acts by making the host think that some people or scenarios are unpleasant and if dealt with it now would only make them feel worst and cause further problems. Instead the Saboteur tells you to let it go as you do not want to lose your relationships and your balance.
Some of the characteristics of the Avoider are:
Avoids conflict and agrees to things to that they normally would not
Procrastinates on unpleasant tasks in the hopes that they will go away or someone else will do them
Uses passive-aggressive attitude to respond to others
The Avoider makes you feel anxiety about what has been avoided in the past, as you soon realise that task still needs to be done. You fear about all the piece you have going away if you confront someone and because of that you suppress you anger and that leads into resentment.
The Avoider makes you believe that through this attitude you are actúa sparing others from negative emotions and that you are the better person. One lie that is not too far from the truth is that “no good comes out of conflict” - indeed. However, the Avoider sees each discussion as a conflict and therefore make you feel like ANY talk would be rendered negative unless everyone agrees with you.
Not every conversation with have with a colleague will be a conflict and should not be seen as one and there is always something to learn from someone that has different views that yours.
It is good to be flexible and keep in mind that once you approach someone to discuss something that you THINK might not go your way, that is purely the Avoider thinking for you. You cannot know beforehand how others might react or what they might say.
Actually, denying the conflicts and discussion that arises, prevents you from entering into a worst conflict further down the line and you might end up learning something new.
You might find yourself in a situation where the odds will not be in your favour, however, being able to use these feelings in your favour and turn them into power and knowledge is a gift. And if you don’t think you have that ability yet, try doing some PQ reps to help you calm you mind and figuring out how to best turn this into a positive thing.
The Avoider goes hand in hand with the Pleaser - avoiding something in order to please others.
Allow yourself to be wrong, to be open to others’ people thoughts and feelings and embrace conversations with the open mind that something positive will come out of it for you, in terms of insight, knowledge or attitude.
Are you an Avoider? If not, check my other blog posts on Saboteurs and drop me a message if you found it and have any questions!